Reflections

 

I'm sitting here in a kayak enjoying an amazing and awesome sunset and I am reflecting on my life and the world around me.  Sunrises and sunsets are special to me because they remind me of how precious life is, they remind me that we only really have "today." We are not gauranteed tomorrow, nor can we do anything about what happened yesterday.  I believe we should make the most of "today" and prepare our best for whatever may happen tomorrow.

I reflect back on the incredibly difficult journey that I've been through just to get here, where I'm healthy and life is now normal again. I remember an illness that took 9-10 years of my life, that pushed me beyond my ability to endure again and again and again. I remember how battling this illness wore me out and broke me down physically, mentally, and psychologically. The relentless torrent of adversity nearly extinguished the small flickering flame of hope in my life. There just aren't words to describe the intensity and duration of my suffering. I suffered from horrific food allergies, poor digestion, low blood counts, and skin rashes amongst other things.

At the worst, I was suicidal, thinking my life would never be normal again. One day I nearly succumbed to these dark thoughts, and I nearly took my own life. What saved me? A strong conviction came over me just as I was getting ready to pull the trigger, "You are not to compromise the plan and purpose that I have for your life. You are to press through this and I (the Great I AM) will walk with you."

I believed in that voice that day and that belief is the only reason I'm here to write this today.  I wish I could say that I was strong, brave, prevailing, and overcoming, but I was not that day--to the contrary, I was very vulnerable. 

I wish that I could say that my recovery was swift and easy, but it was not. I had to put one step in front of the other, day after day, week after week, and month after month. I had to do extensive research, try new treatment modalities, and new nutritional plans. The journey back to health was long, arduous, and challenging. However, there is seldom a day that goes by now in which I do not thank the Creator for the precious gift of life.

Those years were the darkest of my life and I believe that it is a miracle that I'm here today--I know it is a miracle. I was given a true second chance to relive my life and this time differently. Though I would never, ever choose to go through intense suffering again, I gleaned wisdom, humility, and maturity through those most difficult years. Those years redefined who I am as an individual today. I am not a perfect human being today by any means, however I strive, I strive real hard to remember the lessons I learned during the darkest years of my life and I strive to live life with excellence, trying to keep the interests of others in mind, working to build better relationships with friends and family, and looking toward the future with excitement and awe! 

The Most Difficult Journey of My Life

 

My Journey to Recovery